Transformations and My Story

In a conversation with a friend the other day, I shared that I have been shy and terribly afraid of public speaking my whole life. Her response was "No way!! I would never believe that". The reason she didn't believe it was because she sees me as a gregarious, comfortable in my own skin, able to speak easily kind of person every week at our BNI meeting. Even though no one that has known me less than a year believes me, it is very true. So what you might ask is the key to this transformation. Actually, it has been a series of events, associations and actions on my part and that is what I would like to share with you.

To get the entire picture, we are going to have to go back more than a few years. I am a minister's daughter and as a result of that was exposed to a lot of people and a lot of public speaking by example. I am pretty sure my father has never met a stranger in his life and later it seemed my brother was the same way. On the other hand, my mother was incredibly shy and it was a challenge for her being a minister's wife to always be meeting new people and having to extend herself past her comfort zone. Although I was a great peanut brittle sales girl (more on that later in another post), I never really seemed to get how my dad and brother were able to be so comfortable.

Fast forward a few years to my high school graduation. I was expected to make a speech. I was petrified!! Writing it was no problem, but the delivery was a disaster. I cried and stuttered, hiccuped and snorted through the entire thing. Talk about one of my most embarrassing moments. That moment seemed to last forever and to add insult to injury, I managed to lose my place and repeated part of the speech, making it last even longer.

Fast forward button again, I am in college. At this point, I have three children, am married and about 25 years old. Interpersonal Communications is the class and I love it except for the upcoming and much dreaded speaking portion. I am in total panic! If it had not been for the group grade, I might have gratefully taken a D if it meant I didn't have to speak in front of a class of 20. Somehow I made it through my portion with a red face, near tears and stumbling over every word.

Moving on again to 2003. I am remarried, in a new state, know very few people and still can't seem to step outside of my comfort zone. My husband, being much like my dad, doesn't understand at all why I am a wallflower at parties and gatherings and why I find it so difficult to make friends. I know I am a nice friendly person but I don't seem to be able to project that image. I never feel right going up to anyone else and therefore have to hope that someone will see past all of my seeming aloofness and say hello and insist on a friendship. Thankfully my dear friend Andrea was persistent in getting past all of those walls even I didn't see and thus we have a beautiful friendship across miles and years.

Finally, we are at about a year ago in my memory lane trip. Due to military assignment, my husband had been away for a year, things were finally settling down with some parenting challenges and I started attending an Alanon Family Group. Basically, I started focusing on myself, doing some self improvement and working towards feeling comfortable in my skin, as well as developing a spiritual life. About this time, I also heard about the Law of Attraction and it rumbled around in the back of my head, but it wasn't until I started seeing the results of all of these changes that it really took hold. The first thing I noticed was I was able to reach out to almost total strangers because I had been given a precious gift that I wanted to pass on to others. Next I baby-stepped into getting involved in different ways. I wasn't always in my comfort zone, but following some great advice, I began to fake it until it felt right. That may sound dishonest, but every time I had a success, it was something else to build on for the next time.

As I took ownership for the invisible walls I had placed between myself and the rest of the world, I began to send out a different message to the world. The result was people started seeing me as a totally different person. Folks smiled in return to my smile and visible joy whereas before I would not have had the same result. I became bubbly, excited and grateful for where I was at and where I was going and it really showed. Individuals I didn't know asked for my advice and were actually interested in what I had to say and my life. And yes, I started doing public speaking without the tears, hiccups and complete panic. I am not saying there aren't a few palpitations before I am to speak, but it has not been the serious knee-knocker that it once was.

I have friends today that tell me "It might have worked for you but it can't do anything for me or my situation." Hearing this story you might be thinking the same thing yourself. Certainly, each story and person are very individual and not everyone "qualifies" for Alanon (although many that could benefit aren't there). However, I truly believe that anyone that understands the Law of Attraction and the value of the investment in personal growth can effect a similar change. Early in life, I told myself that I was shy, that I didn't have anything to offer the world and that I couldn't do public speaking or easily make friends. With each reinforcement of that it became more and more my truth. By changing that internal dialogue and thought, by faking it until you make it, by telling yourself that you are whatever your ideal is and that you have something to offer others, the change begins. Daily gratitude, even if you are not where you want to be today, reaching out to others that could benefit from your life lessons and kindness, and becoming involved in some way outside of yourself are the actions that really add momentum to the change. Opening yourself up to the possibility that you can change your life dramatically by starting with where you are today and what you feel inside and being willing to do the work required gives you the ability to recognize the changes as they happen and build on that success.

While blogging is certainly cathartic and helps me to grow, my fervent hope is that everyone that reads this finds something to take away and use for themselves. If you find something that speaks to you here, leave me a comment or send me an email. If you really feel inspired, go to my website http://www.sentwithaloha.com/ as well, and pass it on by sending an unexpected card to anyone you like. By giving it away, I continue to receive the most amazing gifts in my life every day, and I know you will too. Pass it on...